Like a Blender Without a Lid

My sweet, precious, tiny little baby angel J turns 2 in exactly 3 months. Ok, maybe he's not so tiny considering the dude is wearing 3T clothing and 4T jammies. We're buying the largest size available in diapers now and considering moving up to a small in adult diapers for the boy. That precious baby angel has also turned into a sweet, precious little baby beast. Hello and welcome to the land of terrible 2's where what doesn't kill you just makes you crazier.

 Over the last month J has become an all star tantrum thrower and is now allergic to sleep apparently. Oh, he falls asleep for naps just fine but the second you lay him down he jumps right back up and starts screaming like the soft and cuddly stuffed animal gang he insists on sleeping with is hurting him. Nights tend to go a little better. He usually goes to sleep ok and continues to sleep after we lay him down but just as my husband and I get cozy in bed and really start to fall into that wonderful deep sleep, J wakes up crying again and doesn't stop crying until we bring him downstairs so he can bully his toys until 3am and eat a banana.

J's always been a little clingy around dinner time. Since he was a baby I've had to either wear him in a baby carrier or hold him while I make dinner.

Lately he's taken it up a notch. He's decided he can't wait for dinner to actually be prepared. As soon as my husband comes home from work and I go into the kitchen, J follows me and proceeds to terrorize the pantry and block me every time I open the fridge to get something out. The guy literally climbs into the fridge and blocks me while he starts throwing things out and screaming for a snack. Don't even think about actually giving the guy a snack though because there's a good chance that will really piss him off and he'll throw it on the ground and run away to hide in a corner and glare at you for actually giving him what he asked for.

Poor J has it ROUGH. When dinner is finally finished, half the time he either insists on eating my food while sitting in my lap or he pushes away from the table as soon as we sit down and claims he's full. Oh really buddy? Cuz about 15 minutes ago you were throwing canned goods at me because I couldn't twitch my nose like Samantha Stephens and instantly make your dinner appear.

Sometimes we don't even make it to dinner. For instance... last night J threw an award winning tantrum and cried so hard he threw up down my shirt right into my cleavage. I tried everything to calm him down and after nothing seemed to be working I finally took him upstairs for a glow stick bubble bath. Who doesn't like a glow stick bubble bath? A two year old in the eye of a tantrum tornado. Until we brought his dinner to him in the bathtub. And not the dinner the rest of us were having but a special dinner just for him. Dinosaur nuggets, yogurt and a banana. He immediately stopped crying and began to maniacally laugh while shoving a yogurt tube and a dino nugget in his mouth at the same time. Then he peed on the side of the tub and farted at me a few times and suddenly all was right with the world again. Apparently all he needed was to eat his dinner in a glow stick bubble bath with the lights off and to rip a couple of toots.

We're all bracing ourselves and hoping the terrible two's pass quickly. We seriously love that guy to bits though, tantrums, toots and all.

Brace Yourself.... Elf On The Shelf Pictures Are Coming

 Our Elf, Peaches, has returned and reclaimed her place on our mantel. I have a serious love/hate relationship going on with this Elf. We've already forgotten to move it several times and one of us has had to rush downstairs in the morning before the kids come down and figure out something clever for Peaches to get into. Without the help of coffee. It hasn't always been the most well thought out or elaborate prank but the kids still love seeing her each morning. M's eyes light up and she jumps up and down while J screams "Peachy!!!!!!!"

She snuck into the fridge for a midnight snack but the door closed, trapping her inside.

The door locked behind her when she left for the North Pole one night and she couldn't get back inside.

Speaking of the night North Pole trip, Peaches was running late one night so she borrowed our car and drove it to the North Pole. She also killed my battery so we had to get a jump the next day.

Peaches decided it was warm enough to take a dip, so she turned out sink into a swimming pool and fell asleep relaxing on her tupperware raft with a marshmallow snack.

Sometimes we actually remember to move Peaches the night before and we give it our best shot.

Merry Diwali

When I was 4 years old I was desperate for an Easy Bake Oven. I needed it. It was a NEED! I spent many hours daydreaming about all the delicious treats that I could make by just adding water, stirring and baking in a mini microwave for a few minutes. Oh god, I was going to eat so many brownies. You have no idea. Just sit in my room all day baking and snacking. All my dreams. I begged for that Easy Bake Oven. I wrote letters to Santa. I sent so many letters that it was bordering on harassment. Not ashamed to admit it. We all have those moments of weakness. I stalked Santa for an Easy Bake Oven. Finally Christmas came. I couldn't sleep the night before. It didn't help that I could see the Christmas tree in the living room from my bed. I slept with the door cracked and just laid there in the darkness, staring at the tree, just waiting for that jolly old soul to sneak down the chimney with his sack full of brownie mixes and that convenient little oven. Somehow I managed to fall asleep and when I woke up I bolted out of bed and ran with the energy of a toddlers and tiaras pageant queen on go-go juice straight to the tree and began tearing into my gifts. After I had opened every last gift under the tree, disappointment began to set in. Just then my mom reached towards the back of the tree and pulled out a very large rectangular oven shaped box. This was it!!!! I tore off the wrapping paper and screamed with the joy of 1,000 angels when I saw that box.

"Maybe you should open it" my mom said. I shot her a look that said "Better step up off my brownies home girl". But opened the box anyway. I was ready to count the mixes and start planning my baking schedule. The box sure felt light for an oven. Then I opened it and peered all the way down to the bottom of the box and there it was..... a dress. Not an oven. A dress. Inside the Easy Bake Oven box. Not even a single mix packet. Just a dress. I was livid. She was giddy with delight. You think I'm exaggerating but I'm probably not. This was the just the beginning of a new Christmas tradition. The next year I asked for a scooter. Santa left a letter in my stocking telling me that Rudolph stepped on the scooter that was meant for me and broke it so I wouldn't be getting one. I stopped leaving carrots and apples out for Rudolph on Christmas Eve after that and started sending my mom the therapy bills for Christmas.

 We all have these stories though. Similar to the Christmas Story, "you'll shoot your eye out". The gifts we long for and the excuses our parents or maybe Santa gives us for not getting them for us. Who knows, maybe my mom thought I would burn the house down with my Easy Bake Oven or break my arm doing cool tricks on a scooter.

All I know is that I decided a long time ago to never make the same mistakes that my parents made. That's something we all do too, right? Make it our mission to right all the wrongs from our childhood while raising our own kids. So far, Christmas has been relatively easy. Last year was the first year M actually made a list and everything on her list was easy and she was lucky enough to get everything she asked for. Keep in mind she just turned 4 so it's probably about that time, the time for some really interesting requests for Christmas.

A few days ago I picked M up from school and as we drove home I asked all the usual "How was your day" questions and got all the usual "I don't know, I can't remember" responses. Until..... M says "Mom!! Everyone in my class has something that I don't have and it's not fair and I want one too!"

Me: "Ok, well, what is it?" and in my head I'm thinking... if one more 4 year old gets a cell phone, so help me... cuz this mom is not about to buy a cell phone for a 4 year old.

M: "One of the things you put on your head for celebrating."

Me: "Hmmm.... a party hat? Did you have a party at school today?"

M: "No!! It's not a hat! It's a dot!"

Me: "A dot?? What kind of dot?"

M: "Well, the boys don't have them, just the girls. It's from Divali (Diwali)."

Me: "Oh... well... we don't celebrate Diwali honey. We celebrate Christmas instead. So if we start celebrating Diwali then we'll have to tell Santa not to bring our presents."

M gets very quiet and I can tell she's thinking pretty hard about something so I wait. I should probably mention that we live in an area of town that has a very large Indian population. In fact, M is 1 of 2 caucasian kids in her class. There are also 2 African American kids in the class and approx 18 or so Indian kids. So this year has been a bit of a culture shock for all of us, especially M. She's learning some very interesting songs and dance routines. It's practically a Bollywood performance in this house everyday after school. Right now the kids in her class are celebrating the Indian holiday Diwali, which is a festival of lights. Many of the neighbors in our subdivision have Christmas lights up right now and have been shooting off fireworks every night for about a week. The temple down the street has been pumping up the jams on the loud speaker and we can hear them partying from our driveway. They know how to party.

Finally M says "Well maybe we can just ask Santa to bring me a dot."

Ok kid. You got me. You win. We'll ask Santa for a Bindi . I was outsmarted by a 4 year old. A very stylish 4 year old.

***UPDATED 12/27/2014***

Santa delivered.

M's 4th Birthday

Today my sweet, beautiful, funny, smart, unique little girl celebrated her 4th birthday.

My love of party planning has definitely rubbed off on M. Nearly a year ago she asked me for a "dress up princess tea party with breakfast food and I want everyone to hold a balloon and stand together for a picture"......... so........ basically she had no clue what she wanted and it was super easy to just throw this party together. Honestly, I struggled with this party. Most of her friends are boys. Boys at this age are a little more sensitive to girlie stuff. They don't usually want pink stuff, I wasn't sure how crazy they would be about a tea party and dressing up. I went through so many ideas, pirates and pixies, maybe princesses and knights, I had no idea what to do to make it boy friendly but still meet all her requirements. I made the first purchase for this party back in November after Halloween when Target had their post-Halloween 70% off clearance. I picked up several sets of fairy wings that came with wands and headbands for $.90 that I planned on giving the girls who came to the party. I've slowly been pinning ideas and buying little things here and there since then. I found an adorable porcelain tea set with all the Disney Princess, it came with saucers, cups, teapot, sugar bowl, creamer bowl, etic. for $12. Then I stumbled on the capes for the boys while shopping a 50% bin at Micahel's Arts & Crafts. Slowly it just sort of came together. I was not prepared for M being the only girl so after getting all the RSVP's back and we realized the fairy wings wouldn't work out, we just put a cape on her over her princess dress and she rocked it. Of course she did.

 I originally planned on doing a dress up relay sort of game or even a dress up contest and putting out all our dress up stuff so the kids could out together some crazy outfits. Since most of our dress up stuff is princess themed, we had to scrap that idea and I ended up throwing together a make-shift photo booth last minute.

 Then we set up a candy necklace station on the table and let the kids design their own candy necklaces. I used the tea cups from the tea set I scored at Goodwill and filled the cups with fruity cheerios, gummy life savers, peach o's, and chocolate pretzels. The boys were actually really into this activity and I was pleasantly surprised. I really worried this would be a little too girlie for them but they were all over it and most of them even chose the cute pink cupcake ribbon instead of the black and white polka dot ribbon.

 

 Next up we had a donut eating contest. The kids held their hands behind their backs and had to eat their donuts hands-free. It was pretty hilarious. Everyone was a winner and earned their capes just in time to take pictures outside with their balloons.

Per M's request, we served breakfast food. Bagels, muffins, scones, mini cinnamon rolls, hard boiled eggs, yogurt tubes, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, orange juice, water, and apple juice in a tea pot. Instead of cake or cupcakes, I threw together a donut cake topped off with a Tinkerbell candle because Tinkerbell is a huge hit in our house right now.

 I can't believe my girl is 4! Kindergarten is only a year away and that is insane.

Maddy Elene Photos

I first met Maddy 3-4 years ago. She is dating our dear friend (who our M is named after) Matt's younger brother. From a distance and through her stunning photographs, I've watched Maddy grow her own photography business. These days it seems like everyone knows a photographer or is a photographer. What sets Maddy apart from the crowd is that she's not a stay at home mom, or a mom. She's actually still in high school. But don't let that fool you. She's insanely talented and extremely motivated. Maddy is actually getting ready to hop a plane to Mongolia in just a few days. A few months ago Maddy was accepted to take part in an exclusive trip hosted by National Geographic's photographer of the year Timothy Allen. This once in a lifetime opportunity will take Maddy on a 15 day trip, traveling across the beautiful country of Mongolia by plane, Land Rover and even by yak and camping out in a new location each night. Are you getting all this? She will be traveling across Mongolia, taking photographs along side an award winning photographer on a YAK. She is incredible.

 A few weeks ago Maddy asked if she could borrow my "adorable kids". I told her she could absolutely borrow them anytime. I am an obsessive cell phone photo taker and I know I post a ton of shots of these adorable kids already but adorable babies are meant to be shared and I love seeing the way someone else sees my kids through photographs. To me, photography is just another way to tell a story, and ya'll know I love a good story.

We met Maddy early one Friday morning at a farm in Dawsonville, GA. You would think that the temperature would be perfect at 10am, but no. You must not know Hotlanta weather because it was muggy and within minutes we were all drenched in sweat. I didn't have a chance to fix M's hair yet that morning so it was all over the place and she has a lot of hair. M was acting as if the world was her stage as usual and we were all just there to see the M show. J cried almost the entire time. The only time he laughed was when I started ripping the tall grass out of the ground in the field and very angrily threw it to the ground. He is all boy and thinks it is hilarious to tear shit up. Lord help me. Needless to say, these kids were not making it easy for Maddy to get a good shot. Maddy is very busy and always booked up but when I didn't hear from her after a few days, I started to worry that her silence wasn't due to her hectic schedule and might be because my crazy adorable kids didn't cooperate at all and she wasn't able to get a good shot. Boy was I wrong.

I swear, she managed to get a shot of each quick smile J actually managed to muster that day. In the shot of M and J holding hands with their backs to the camera, J is actually screaming and crying. He was not having it. I don't know how she did it. She is amazing. And her work speaks for itself.

Please like her facebook page to see more of her work and to contact her to book a shoot. You can find her on facebook at Maddy Elene Photos. You can also find her on Smug Mug and don't forget to follow her on Instagram.

If you're interested in helping Maddy out as a sponsor for this incredible journey she is preparing to take across Mongolia, please get in touch with her on facebook at  Maddy Elene Photos or through her You Caring site found HERE. As you can imagine, due to the location, length, distance, and schedule of this once in a lifetime trip, this will be a very costly but rewarding experience for anyone but especially someone as young as Maddy who is still in high school. If you're interested in donating please get in touch with either Maddy or me and I will get you in touch with her. I'll link up to all her contact pages again below. Everything Maddy earns through booking shoots also goes into paying for her trip, so please consider this as well if you're looking for a photographer. No amount is too small, any amount makes a difference and would be greatly appreciated.

Maddy Elene Photos on FACEBOOK

Maddy Elene Photos on SMUG MUG

Maddy Elene Photos on INSTAGRAM

Donate to help Maddy cover her trip - YOU CARING

Due to the location, length, distance, and schedule of the trip. It's going to be rather costly. To pay for food, housing, air fare, and equipment, it's going to cost me nearly $8,000. While that's understandable for such an amazing trip, it's still going to be a huge challenge for me. - See more at: http://www.youcaring.com/other/once-in-a-lifetime-mongolia-trip/149976#sthash.wOgrwqi1.dpuf

Due to the location, length, distance, and schedule of the trip. It's going to be rather costly. To pay for food, housing, air fare, and equipment, it's going to cost me nearly $8,000. While that's understandable for such an amazing trip, it's still going to be a huge challenge for me. - See more at: http://www.youcaring.com/other/once-in-a-lifetime-mongolia-trip/149976#sthash.wOgrwqi1.dpuf

It's Better to Give?

Have you ever given a gift that just made you never want to give anyone a gift ever again in your entire life? I am seriously about to swear off gift giving for the rest of eternity. So we all know Father's Day is just around the corner. In case you didn't know it's in 2 days so get it together. I have had this amazing Father's Day gift planned for weeks, maybe months. Side note, I love giving gifts, I put a lot of thought into the gifts I give. I stress over finding the perfect gift. I research for months until I find the perfect gift. Well, no more. I am done.

M and her dad have been wanting to go camping for quite a while. I do not camp.

 "Oh, but why not? Camping is so much fun! Sleeping under the stars! Roasting marshmallows! Cooking your food over an open fire! Foraging for berries in the woods like a tiny little fuzzy bear!"

You know what I say to that? Murderers lurking in the woods with big knives! Snakes! Big angry bears with big sharp teeth. Bugs that bite and leave gaping wounds that need to be stuffed with gauze. Eating poisonous berries (I saw Into the Wild). Peeing in the woods. Pooping in a hole in the ground. I already miss enough showers as it is, I do not need another excuse to skip a shower. Don't even talk to me about bathing in a creek. No means NO!

I freaking love my husband though. I mean sometimes I don't always like him, like right now because of his desire to go camping and my stupid need to fulfill his every wish like a good little wife. Anyway, I love him though and I love my daughter even more. So I get this bright idea that I am going to set up the tent in the backyard while he's at work except that the weather had to come along and ruin my plans with all this rain. Our fire pit is already full of wood just waiting to be burned. There was even a full moon tonight! It would have been perfect!  But no, it just had to rain. Fine. I decided I can just work around the rain. I'll just set that bad boy up inside, right in the middle of the living room floor.

Ugh. It did not go well. Actually that is an understatement. It's been 2 hours and that bad boy is still laying in a pile on the ground, poles everywhere. I put it together 3 times and had to take it down 3 times. I tried watching videos on youtube and I tried begging and pleading with the tent to just cooperate. Help me help you.

This is what M did most of the time. She probably learned a few new fun 4 letter words.

She finally took pity on me and helped but it was still no use. The damn thing is still piled up on the floor with poles everywhere.

Wonderful Husband- never question my love for you because I will pull this story up and force you to read it over and over again until you no longer question my love. Happy Father's. I love you. Now get home and help me put your gift together.

P.S. Everything I do, I do it for you. Next time I'll take a nap with J instead. For you of course. All for you.

Boundaries

Dear lord and baby jesus. And sweet fancy moses. The most awful, most embarrassing thing happened today. I don't even know where to start. Sure I do....

I'm the oldest of 5 kids but there's a pretty large age gap between me and my youngest siblings. My oldest-youngest sister is 5 years younger than me and the next is nearly 12 years younger than me. This is everyone plus my dad and my husband about 5 years ago.

For the sake of this blog post, let's refer to my oldest-youngest sister as Tina. Why am I giving her a fake name? Because that's what I call her in real life even though it's not her name. She's having an identity crisis. One that I started. When Tina and I were little, I was such a perfect baby angel. She was somewhere closer to the opposite. Not saying she was bad, she was just a lot different than me. I was shy and she was not, she was very friendly. Within 2 minutes of arriving at a park she would be introducing me and our mother to her best friend. The one she just met 90 seconds ago in the sandbox and hasn't made it around to asking their name but wants to invite them over for a sleepover. Tina had no problem just walking over to the neighbor's house, knocking on the door and demanding a popsicle after seeing their children with one a week ago. It went something like this:

*knockknock*

 "Who's there?" -neighbor

"It's Tina from next door. Your best buddy. Open up and give me a popsicle. I know you have them because I saw your kid with one a week ago so stop holding out on me."

Just like that. I can't tell you how many times she embarrassed me with her lack of respect for boundaries and her tiny person boldness. I'm telling you... my childhood was a nightmare.

So let's fast forward 20 years and now I have my own tiny person. A tiny person who shall remain nameless so we can respect HER privacy.

This tiny person never meets a stranger. She sees a boundary and she knocks that shit down. Who needs boundaries? What do you mean I can't give a stranger a hug and kiss? Why can't I invite them to my birthday party even though I met them 67 seconds ago? Gosh mom you never let me have any fun. I've tried. I have tried so hard to talk to her about strangers. We've read books about strangers. I have set rules about talking to strangers. For instance:

Rule #1: If you don't know their name then they're a stranger.
M's Solution: "Hi! I'm M! What's your name? Mom!!! This is my new best friend in the entire world, his name is Big Larry isn't his van with the curtains really cool? He's not a stranger since I know his name now."

Rule #2: If we've never met them before then they're a stranger.
M's Solution: "Big Larry did you come to my 1st birthday party (you know, the one she couldn't possibly remember)? You did? Mom!!! He came to my first birthday party and I know his name is Big Larry so he's not a stranger! Now can we take a ride in his van with the curtains to help him find his lost dog?"

I am telling you. This girl. What am I going to do????

Well tonight she finally did it. She finally took things up a notch and really embarrassed me. I mean this is right out of my sister Tina's childhood Knocking Down Boundaries playbook. During dinner she decides to tell me this "funny story" after I asked her what she did outside with her dad and her brother while I made dinner. She said she went over to the neighbor's house and scared the mommy neighbor.

Me: "Oh? How did you scare her?"

M: "I just went inside their garage and opened up the door and scared her while she was making dinner and she didn't know I was there."

Me (with the most horrified look on my face): "What?? M!!! Did you knock first?"

M: "No."

So my husband says he caught her running towards their garage at one point and yelled at her not to. I don't know what happened after that but somehow she snuck into their garage and opened the door into their house, walked right in and made herself at home. Until she scared the mommy neighbor into noticing her.

I sent the neighbor a text later apologizing for what happened. Her response? "It was nothing compared to the time she walked in on me while I was in the shower and then said she'd never seen me nakey before." 

There's more of this coming isn't there? I just know it.